This came through to me from Nancy Hayssen - and I thought you might like to share it! Nancy receieved this message from a woman called Sabrina, who said:

"I am a singer/songwriter/poet and I like to put various things up on YouTube.

Recently, I got a message on YouTube that read:

"You are psycho. Like I needed to see a FAT WOMAN dancing to an *** record!!!"

Well, despite basically feeling good about myself most of the time, it was as if he or she had slapped me in the face! It almost seemed as though the viewer was more offended by the fact I was FAT than anything else...as if large sized women aren't allowed to have fun with YouTube videos!

Well, I thought and thought and came up with an answer back. I made a NEW video where I am dancing to surf music... IN MY SWIMSUIT!

I figure no one is gonna tell me, at age 47, what I can do or what size I MUST be in order to win their approval. I think it's great you are out there giving the important message to girls and women to LOVE OURSELVES despite our body sizes." - Sabrina

So, what's the lesson here?

The media tends to promote sexiness in our culture as a very limited selection of the public. In magazines, television and movies, sexy is tall, thin, toned and tan.

Those of us who are over the "ideal" image in any way: very tall or short, dark- or pale-skinned and especially full figured are out of the running.

Right? Wrong!

Ask most men on the street to tell you what sexy is: they will list things like "confident" or a "curvy woman."

Sexiness comes in many shapes, sizes, colors and personalities! The ideal of beauty has evolved over time, from Rubenesque "round" bodies being the epitome of a healthy, wealthy and sexual woman to the emaciated catwalk models of the '90s who looked like a meal would do them some good - the public is swayed by societal standards of what constitutes sexiness.

The American ideal of beauty has especially seen many phases of development over this century as television, movies and the internet smother us with computer-altered pictures of stars looking unrealistic.

Some men are attracted to women with big breasts, long legs and slim bodies. Many others are drawn to the complete opposite... curvy bottoms, large breasts and fat all around. And neither is wrong. We are all sexy.

One thing I have learned from years of asking the tough question of what makes a woman sexy is: "Sexy is a State of Mind."

Nancy's Blog