Thought you'd heard it all when it comes to get-thin-quick quackery? Think again! I had a fantastic e-mail from the lovely ladies at Beyond Chocolate the other day, and here it is for you in all it's glory.
Want to lose weight fast? Why not try the lip gloss that leaves you both energized and beautiful". We kid you not.
Too Faced FUZE Slenderize Guilt-Free Gloss, to give it its full tongue-twister of a name, is "the first lip gloss on the market to fuse beauty and fitness benefits." Really? A lip gloss can make you fit? Couch potatoes of the world, rejoice! Apparently, "application of this long-lasting, high-shine formula actually helps suppress one's appetite for food without sacrificing delicious glamour." Just what we've all been waiting for, eh? Now we can lie supine on the sofa, wearing little more than a come-hither glossy smile, as mealtimes come and go unnoticed and the pounds just melt away.
Made by Coca-Cola and inspired by its FUZE Slenderize range of soft drinks, Guilt-Free Gloss, they tell us, is infused with energy-boosting, appetite-curbing chromium, L-carnitine and super citrimax (huh?) and available in three "high-impact" (what, like aerobics?) fruit flavours, including Dragonfruit Lime, Strawberry Melon and Blueberry Raspberry. Heaven help anyone you kiss...
It has quickly became a "celebrity favourite", attracting the likes of Jessica Simpson, Katie Holmes and personal trainers such as Harley Pasternak (?!) "who stocks the beverage in his LA workout studio for his clients such as Eva Mendes and Kanye West". Kanye West wears lip gloss? Now we know he's partial to a bit of bling, but, really, we had no idea that his love of sparkle and shine went that far...
"Too Faced FUZE Slenderize Guilt Free Lip Gloss offers delectable shine with zero remorse!" the press release concludes, triumphantly. Maybe you'll feel remorse, Coca-Cola, when we come round your place and give you a fat lip for taking us smart, savvy women for suckers!
However, for every one of us who isn't hoodwinked into purchasing products like these, there are hundreds of women who are. Slimmers who think that relying on artificial appetite suppressants, rather than simply stopping when you're satisfied, is the secret. Dieters who are desperate enough to do anything and buy anything to reach weight-loss nirvana that they'll spend a tenner on a lip gloss that offers nothing more than the lustre of fool's gold.
....and I know you're all far too clever to be taken in by this sort of marketing ploy, but just think - there are people out there who actually THINK you can lose weight by using a lip gloss. Save your money girls, spend it on something colourful from the Boots counter, it'll do you far more good...
